Dating over 60 – A social distance date

You have met someone new. It may have been through a mutual acquaintance, online dating, hiking in a park, they were hitchhiking- you allowed them to ride in the bed of your pick-up truck, hitting 80 down the freeway! No judgement on the specifics of where you meet your new love interest – Social distancing is a crucial element to be followed during a pandemic.

It is not impossible to “date” during a Covid19 outbreak. You must get creative with your non-interactions! This is not the prime time for hugs, pecks on the cheek or even to getting to first or second base. If you encounter love at first sight, do not let nature guide your instincts. Staying alive is your priority.

Preliminary interactions can take place with texting, telephone calls, WhatsApp Messenger, Facebook Messenger and Google Hangouts. These applications allow for typing your inner most thoughts, what you ate for lunch and just getting to know your new acquaintance. They also offer the ability to share photos and limited videos. Telephone calls provide more insight to Southern drawls, British accents, perfect annunciation, joyous laughter, and the ability to swoon at an “oh, Baby”!

A true virtual date can be established through Facetime, Skype, Zoom and Microsoft Teams. This is interacting with your newly met human, face to face, in real time on a mobile phone screen, laptop, IPad, etc. This is a great time to present your best self. “It’s the next best thing to being there.” This is in real time so straighten the loose straps, shoulders back, chest out, smile, brush the pearly whites and wear your good underwear – it will make you feel fancy! A positive disposition and confident humor will win points.

If you feel you have worn out the mobile phone and Zoom calls, safe in person social distancing meetings can be a creative next step. If you have enough discipline to stay six feet apart, the following suggestions may be something to look forward to:

  • A tailgate picnic – a bottle of wine or other choice beverages and a light appetizer in separate containers, one for each. This can be achieved with 2 lawn chairs in a park or beach setting.
  • Meet in the Park – take a stroll or hike in a local park – social distancing, of course. If you are totally smitten with each other, this can be timed to watch a sunrise or sunset depending on available views.
  • Beach or Lake Outing – If you are fortunate to have a local water feature, this creates a great backdrop for conversation and relaxation. A view of ships, boats, boardwalk, and birds can be a plus.
  • Arboretums & Gardens – Flora and fauna can keep you both in touch with nature while maintaining social distancing. It will be good luck to see a monarch butterfly or two.
  • Dog Parks – This only works if one/both of you has a dog OR you can borrow a dog for the day at an animal shelter that has this activity available.

Be excited! A dance in your step and a song in your heart will make for a positive collaboration. Remember your social distancing, brave hearts will wear a mask and be safe. It is not impossible to learn about each other, six feet apart.

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Dating over 60 – Dating while married

Dating while married can be a complicated issue from both or either side of a new relationship – to say the least. An honest individual will disclose their marital status up front. If you are given the explanation of a “complicated” situation, it may be a “heads up” moment.

An example of obfuscated situation can very well include a hospitalized spouse for reasons of Alzheimer’s disease, debilitating conditions or any other situation requiring long term care. It may include health care insurance requirements, financial support, and/or a devout vow to love and cherish. Meeting an individual with extreme circumstances will require empathy and compassion to understand the extreme circumstances. Communication is a key element with this unique journey.

Prospective dates who are legally married may be:

  • Separated while living separately
  • Separated while living under the same roof
  • Living under the same roof but discussing divorce
  • Living in different states with no intention of obtaining a divorce
  • Waiting for the “other” spouse to initiate or pay for the divorce
  • In an “open” relationship
  • Seeking a “swinger” relationship
  • Amid a separation of property and/or child custody proceedings

Dating an actively married individual can create a safety situation. If the married party is “sneaking” around without notifying his/her/their current spouse, a severe domestic blow-up can manifest. Tread lightly and do your homework if you are considering a rendezvous, with the knowledge they have “secrets”. Extra marital affairs have the ability of creating a horrific crime, such as the Clara Harris case.

 Many a mother has informed their daughters, “Married men always retreat back to their wives.” When you become committed in a relationship with a married individual, there is a reason they have not formally dissolved their marriage. It is not unheard of for a divorced individual to suddenly break with you to return to a person they were previously married to. It is not unheard of to know folks who have re-married a previous spouse.

Truly get to know the circumstances of your new love. Trust is paramount. Verification through outside sources, Dating over 60 – Know me, Know you, will provide an insight as to integrity and character.

Communication with your married date/partner/relationship will assist you with making a qualified decision. Honesty and being transparent allows both parties to know the degree of risk, present and future.  

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Dating over 60 – Don’t fall for it

For the most part, the dating world is a kind and polite experience. It is called “dating” for a reason. Emotions are known to get out of control to influence a life changing decision – Don’t fall for it. The over 60 dating population may view the quest to pressure a quick commitment, “because we are running out of time!” Further ulterior motives surface with getting to know your new love interest on a deeper level.

Loneliness is a dominant factor with a fast suggestion to move in together. It starts out easy and romantic with sharing a starry-eyed weekend. Extended commutes between homes always makes for the convenience factor of, “Just stay the night”. First thing you know, you’re scrambling eggs, running to the grocery store and washing a load of towels. New relationships are blissful and happy.

This can lead to lunch with mother once a month, mailing packages to the college child, driving to the laundry, pharmacy, butcher shop, post office and answering his/her business phone. Determine what you want before falling into domestic service in the name of love. You may receive amorous notes of devotion, special little surprise gifts and heady passion for six to twelve weeks. This may cloud your grounded decision-making skills. Ninety days forward you’re into domestic servitude and decreasing bank balance without any of the committed relationship benefits.

Take your time in getting to know Mr. or Ms. Love Prospect. Learn from their relationship history. Will you be the special star above the rest? Filter through their expectations. Are they seeking a “nurse with a Purse” or a “Home Aide Maid”? What are your expectations? Do you view all relationships as equal partners, traditional roles or parenting partners? Ulterior motives do not always broadcast in a timely manner. Communication should also include the fragile talks about finances and planning a future together. If money is not a perfect balance, resentment and being taken advantage of can blow everything up.

If you have known everlasting true love, you will recognize it. Genuine love outlives a rush job. Listen to the little voice inside your head. Use your best intuition. The right answers sometimes have their own timetable.

Be safe. Be you. Be happy.

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Dating over 60 – Know me, Know you

You’ve met someone brand spanking new. Your brain goes whirly-bird – especially if this is a new adventure. If there is no mutual denominator for being introduced, a chance encounter while waiting in the Starbucks line or disco dancing up a grocery store aisle or a dating site, you exchange telephone numbers. You are technically getting to know a stranger.

Safety is the utmost priority. Identification and verification of exchanged information is a starting point. Surely you found out their name! During the casual encounter, they may have given you the general vicinity of residence, employment or family tidbits. Hopefully, the last name is as uncommon as “Batshitenowski” instead of “Smith”. If you enjoyed the initial banter, your selective memory should serve you well with details.

You need not be a technological wizard to verify the accumulated identifiers. The telephone number usually yields an address when input into your browser. Think of your browser as the new white page phone book thrown onto your doorstep. If your new love interest stated they live “uptown”, one of the addresses listed for them should be within the area stated. A few websites may even include family members residing at said address.  A no cost (free) look-up website is: truepeoplesearch.com or thatsthem.com These sites may not have been updated but will provide general information or let you know if their phone is still in an ex’s name!

Inputting their name into a web browser may provide information even if they don’t participate with social media. Photos from a charity golf tournament, self-employed reviews/websites, dancing nude at Woodstock, employer websites and being tagged in other family member’s posts may appear. An uncommon last name will make this search quicker or less tedious.

If further inquiry or interrogation is needed, a “for fee” website to do a  more in depth search, such as truthfinder.com is available. This website will offer a criminal background search.

Intuition can be beneficial. Experience and age afford the dating over 60 population knowledge from our previous human encounters. Utilization of new age technology is available to make a confident decision. Remember – this is a two-way street! Taking your social media access from public to friends only or private may be a consideration. Be selective on securing your information.

Know me – Know you requires great communication, patience and truth.

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Dating over 60 – Organically meeting your new love

So, online dating isn’t “your thing” but you’re rattling around on the weekends, in your boxers or gutchies, by yourself. An alternative action is to meet your new love organically. You do not relish the thought of living the rest of your days alone. We all do better with a special someone having our backs, to complain with and to witness our lives. It isn’t going to happen while you hold down the couch.

Be where you enjoy the environment. “Like people” gravitate to their comfort zones. Instead of sleeping your Saturday away – Get your best self together, emotionally and physically and “git after it”. Practice a positive disposition in the mirror. It will surprise you to find how many smiles are returned to you in public places.

Grocery stores are a positive source of interaction. Observing naked chickens can prompt a question to the cutie next to you. Ask what they intend to do with that hen. Ask a person of interest if they know where the maraschino cherries are located. Everyone needs maraschino cherries. Then ask where the whipped crème is! Start a conversation with the person behind you in the checkout line. Choose your grocery store carefully. If you are a Whole Foods Market patron, the conversation may be different than the Kroger encounters. Give the local farmer’s market and festivals a fly through. We all must eat. Give the chore a dual purpose. Don’t discount speaking with someone that isn’t your perfect match – they are related to, work with and live near someone waiting to meet you. A new friend is beneficial for further socialization.

Home Improvement stores are fantastic for encounters. If gardening is your joy of heart, it pays big time to take a slow stroll through the gardenia bushes and fertilizer spreaders. Humans love to be asked for their expert opinions when making an out of ordinary purchase. Carry your mangled shower head proudly through the plumbing supply department.

If you are looking to move up in the world, put on your finest wearables and eat lunch at the Four Seasons Hotel. Take a walk on the wild side and choose an eatery you’ve always wanted to frequent but just didn’t. You deserve it. Eating at the bar in your local restaurant will instigate conversation. Choose a time when your favorite sport will be televised. Ask the person to your left if they’ve ever eaten the fettucine alfredo!  Enthusiasm for a microbrewery brewski is contagious.

Meeting someone organically at church, Meet-Up groups, volunteer groups and employment environments present a common denominator. Visit a dog park. If you don’t have a dog – borrow one. Public parks present nature, walking trails, hiking paths, bicycle lanes, arborist seminars and sport activity fields. When was the last time you watched a soccer game or Little Leaguers play? If you are employed, initiate a community service drive or activity. This can be accomplished through your homeowner associations, senior centers, scout troops or boys & girls clubs – meet your neighbors. Volunteer at the local food pantry, read to children in the hospital, visit meals on wheels recipients, become a CASA – Court Appointed Special Advocate for abused children – we reap great gifts when giving to others.

These activities can start out small and grow as much as you wish. Being alone can rankle loneliness. Feed your soul. You will organically meet a soulmate. Remember to keep sharing your radiant smile.

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