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Dating over 60 – Interview or Interrogation

First dates and initial meetings can stress out the savviest dater. Text and telephone conversations are important in making the first impression a positive outcome. There is a fine line in crossing over into interrogation mode when trying to get to know someone. Innovative and engaging conversation should never feel like a job interview either.

Telephone conversations before the first meet and greet/date is a necessary step in determining if you may be compatible for any kind of relationship. If the candidate starts talking and doesn’t take a breath for 45 minutes, it may be a sign their favorite subject is themselves. Telephone conversations relay a wealth of information. You may be informed their number is a landline. In the current world, having a smart phone for anyone leaving their love nest, is almost a necessity. If you agree that your prospective love interest is just fine living in 1996 – be prepared to do anything technically specific to survive for them. An example would be ordering their “senior coffee” at the kiosk in McDonalds!   We all wish for the caller using a movie star voice, a comforting attitude and an enthusiastic welcome to share words with you.

You may be an experienced public speaker, but occupational theatrics may not be your best bet when making a love connection.  Your experience with outside sales spiels may make your clients roar with laughter during the 5-star lunch your corporate expense account is paying for. If you are the comedian in your bible study, gauge your new audience before delivering the punchline, “Jesus Christ, are you still in the bathroom”!

Consider the comfort of your date before shooting off closed-end questions, such as:

  • Where do you live?
  • How many kids do you have?
  • Do you work?

A one- or two-word response stops the conversation. Open-end questions will open a conversation for a response of more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Conversation starters allow an extension for showing interest without being invasive. Instead of:

  • Where do you live?     What is the best thing about living in WhereTheHellAmI, AL?
  • How many kids do you have?     How grand of a production is the holidays at your house?          
  • Do you work?     What interest keeps your heart happy during the week? Skydiving? Dating Coach? Map maker? Car jockey? Rocket scientist?  

If you feel like you are sitting in a tiny room with a bare light bulb burning above your head, tell Sargent Joe Friday to step back with the rapid fire of questions. You are under no obligation to disclose anything which makes you uncomfortable. A great response is to just stare back at your date with a smile on your face. State in a firm tone, “I’d rather not answer that.” You are the judge calculating if the question is innocent or digging for private and unjustifiable nobody’s business but your own!

The interviewer/date may start off with where they grew up, in a nuclear family of five in suburbia and hula hoop lessons all the way around. The information may bleed into the college and employment resume. If every single one of their work titles and positions is stated, take a deep breath and excuse yourself to wash your hands. You will be in a position to re-direct the conversation upon your return.

The expectation is that you release the elevator pitch of your “Wonder Years” to determine if there will be a second interview. Your 30 second announcement, 75 words or less can be as vague or as specific as you wish. You are in the driver’s seat when it is your turn. Inserting humor can lighten the direction of the banter into a natural flow of getting to know each other.

Be authentic and true to yourself. If the initial dialogue did not meet your expectation, you may have a humorous story to share later. Remember, it’s a date not a marriage commitment – at least not yet!

©WriteInSpace.com 2020 All rights reserved May not be reprinted, duplicated without explicit permission.

#Datingover60 #datingadvice #datingnew #love #blogoftheday #blogger #Whereareyou #blog #datingtips #humor #datingover50 #match #silversingles #ourtime

Dating over 60 – Disaster dates

The general dance of dating over 60 is a wide-ranging outline of dating in your 20’s or 30’s. You think you know what you want. You think you know your type. When presented with the opportunities, this can change in a heartbeat. First impressions can dissolve like cotton candy in the rain.

First dates are classified as the “honeymoon” period. He says he likes peas and chicken. She says she loves all sports, including curling. The reality soon surfaces around the fifth date. He hates chicken because the Colonel served him chicken that was bloody in the middle around 1986. Her idea of loving sports is shopping for MLB official apparel during the game with his credit card and crocheting team dog sweaters.

If you are lucky, the differences will appear almost immediately. He shows up in lemon yellow corduroy short shorts. She has a mustache bigger than his and smells like Nair. This usually sums up how the first encounter is going to secure your future if you consider the details.

Another example of immediate differences – She’s been throwing back non-stop margaritas at lunch. Her car is equipped with breathalyzer apparatus and won’t start unless a sober person blows into the tube. She then informs you of her DUI and she lives sixty miles away. She suggests staying at his place for the evening. He loads her into his car and makes a 120-mile round trip to drop her ass off at her apartment.

A favorite story, told by a friend, is the date that arrives in a cab with a suitcase and tote bag that has Florida oranges printed on it. She informs her date that her significant other threw her out when she was scouting online for a replacement sugar daddy. She announces her homelessness between the entree and dessert courses. Did he not notice the luggage?

Online photos can be misleading. The most common complaints include the proverbial weight and age issues. One detail the internet may not be able to explicitly capture is the date with so much Botox in her face that when she laughs, nothing moves. The photos were an extremely beautiful model, but the person appeared to be a real-life plaster mannequin with hardly any moveable parts.

The blind date turning into a family affair is another surprise. She turns up at the designated restaurant, with her 3 small hungry children, her best friend, Margo and cousin, Bert. Obviously, there’s a forgotten Louis Vuitton wallet and Mr. Date either learns to wash dishes, gets arrested for theft of services or ends up paying the tab.

Odds are, you will have a turn at the not so blissful meet and greet or date. It leads to a good comparison of the extreme pool to choose from. Be tenacious. Never forget who you are. Don’t settle for anything unhealthy.  

©WriteInSpace.com 2020  All rights reserved May not be reprinted, duplicated without explicit permission.

#Datingover60 #datingadvice #datingnew #love #blogoftheday #blogger #Whereareyou #blog #datingtips #humor #datingover50 #match #silversingles #ourtime #

Dating over 60 – Putting yourself out there

If your last date was in 1991, your nerves will get jangled just thinking about sitting across from someone summing you up like a new Silverado. Your bumpers and upholstery are being analyzed. It can bring someone with rock confidence to brain freeze.

You will have second thoughts and third ones too. Don’t overthink it. Put it in perspective.  Keep your expectations to a minimum. It isn’t a lifelong commitment – it’s a drink, a latte’ or dinner.  Keeping it simple will ease the process. It isn’t advisable to plan a twelve-hour extravaganza, a long-distance day drive or meeting the “family” for the first time out. Hearing about Cousin Eddie over calamari is a lot different than sitting across a booth from him in Denny’s or Starbucks!

Safety is your highest priority. Meet your date in a public place. Don’t let your perspective new friend strong arm you into a long-distance drive to the mountains or beach in their vehicle until you know who you are truly involved with. Being in their vehicle makes you a captured and captive victim if circumstances gun out of control. Keep your cell phone easily accessible for all happenstances.

It is a fact, those you meet while out and about will be more receptive to striking up a conversation. If you are a willing participant, meeting your future next partner may be a simple grocery store encounter. Marriages have evolved over asking the butcher what to do with a lamb shank. Personal interaction with grass mowing neighbors, home improvement customers, lingerie shoppers, waiting room hostages (the county appraisal office and car dealerships) and good-looking clients have yielded lifelong friendships. This does not require you to be “dressed for success” every time you leave the house. Tuxedos and chiffon evening gowns are not required for a conversation in the proctologist waiting room!

Depending on your sense of adventure, European river cruises, African safaris and visits to the Taj Mahal can open a plethora of cosmopolitan encounters. Unless they’ve won the trip on a game show, the means to afford it, desire for the experience and the ability to express the pros of eating escargot can be a plus. World travel provides more than the prospect of meeting a life partner. It amplifies your own sense of self.

A previous neighbor met his last 3 wives through his bible study class. Meetup, volunteering, Events & Adventures, fitness centers, Toastmasters, take a class – learn a foreign language for your next trip, eat at the bar or diner counter and present your confident self.   As with any venue, a common denominator does not always insure a sound and safe relationship. Follow your intuition. Balance all emotions. Gather as much info as possible without strategic interrogation tactics in play!

Dating over 60

After becoming a widow in my fifties, it took me a few years to determine I wasn’t dead. Stepping over the edge of an emotional cliff, I was urged by a friend to go “on a date”.

The gentleman who did the asking turned out to be a dreamboat. He was never the problem – I was. It was the weirdest experience- an out of body surreal head trip. The last date I had been on was in 1991. I didn’t even have a pager let alone a cell phone back then! There was inadequate dating resources. Friends, websites, documents, white papers, know- it -alls or words in the wind to travel on this new adventure appeared to be scarce. When I would locate an article for dating over the age of 60, it was as if a millennial was using an addlepated aunt as their focus for hooking up with a geezer for a quick sit in the nursing home garden. It was horrifying.

My friends were married – now I understand what the “black widow syndrone” is – which I’ll save that opinion for another post. Hitched people were unable to relate. When I’d ask for advice, they tried but it was out of their recent (like 40 years) area of expertise. They also couldn’t comprehend the present and previous grief that would have to transcend into a new life stage. When your hopes and dreams dissolve into dust instantaneously, you have to reinvent yourself. It isn’t a quick process or available for 2nd day Amazon Prime delivery.

So, I yanked up my big girl gutchies, pulled my shoulders back and dove head first into the deep end of the over 60 dating pool. The fears of being too old, wrinkled, opinionated and nervous were flying around me like a cloud of hungry bees. Being tenacious with the focus used in previous occupations to accomplish a project goal, I pushed forward.

Experience has taught me most people are kind and respectful. It is with extensive research, dates, occasions, interviews and encounters the following posts have influential basis. This is not everyone’s experience or guide. My personal advice is use your common sense and intuition. Stay safe and protective of who you are.

©WriteInSpace.com 2020  All rights reserved May not be reprinted, duplicated without explicit permission.

Blame whoever you want

Blame whoever you want.

     He who calls the shot –

Should own the repercussions

What happened to being accountable?

What happened to telling the truth?

What happened to a sense of dignity?

If any of us pulled any of these antics in our work places, board rooms, social forums– we’d be terminated. Wallow in it – you become “it”.

 

 

©WriteInSpace.com 2019  All rights reserved

No one is listening

No one is listening
our kids are being murdered in their classrooms
         witnessed by the innocent and precious.
politicians are lining their pockets-
    they're chunking the change for porn stars
               and mistresses while
          parents are ordering tiny coffins.

  feeding the masses rhetoric
          with those huge spoons            
                    they're buying it 
                                wearing it
          digesting, sleeping with it.
parents with faces in their phones
         do they even know who their kids are?
      pack a pistol into the lunchkit
        tucked between the cut up apple
                and the snickers bar
          they can't find their kids
               let alone their shotguns and handguns.
  When you try to request gun control
      the rednecks start screaming about the second amendment
        into the take-out speaker
               if they listen
                 oh my god - it might be something they agree with
             "give me a side of ammo and sample of compassion"
so they shout louder and louder and louder
       kiss you sweetly on the lips, good-bye...
            and walk quietly 
             out the door
     cloaked in an AR-15  
             because they need protection -
                   against
                       who?





On May 18, 2018, 8 of my neighbor's children
were gunned down with 2 of their teachers
 at Santa Fe High School, Santa Fe, Texas.
 Please register to VOTE. 
Change is necessary to stop the mass murder
of our most precious and innocent.

No child should be worried about being killed 
            in their schools.


©WriteInSpace 2018 All rights reserved.
          May not be re-printed without permission.

you are

You are:

an acolyte torch striking fire and brimstone

a modern day Arrian.

a mystery of many dimensions…..

a kaleidoscope with ever changing brilliant views

validating infinity and who god or “od” is.

shocking honesty and quick to correct!

sharing differences with the same timelines –

tip toeing around the gardenias

so they can hear the Max Richter’s Vivaldi

“I think it’s strange you never knew”

plays in my head because you put it there

HAIR

a man without a current face

but one in my head

loyal – true

a smokestack over the monongahela

high at the top of the steps

intense descriptions to hold close

to save & scatter upward for superior suspension

quick wit

I “get” you

always an astonishment

which may be wrapped in crinkled newspaper

but oh what wonders

 

First they came

“First they came for the communists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a communist;
Then they came for the socialists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a socialist;
Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out – because I was not a trade unionist;
Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out – because I was not a Jew;
Then they came for me – and there was no one left to speak out for me.”

by Martin Niemöller