Profile interpretation can be a kaleidoscope view if you have no idea who your next best is going to be. Successful online dating can be accomplished with a basic outline of what you will tolerate and what melts your butter. If you are certain of age range, divorced/widow(er)/separated/other status, location, and height/body type, you have a solid start.
The following is an unscientific synopsis of profile categories:
Non-existent: They have not written a damn thing. This individual is trying to be mysterious, hide something, is disinterested or lazy. You will have to guess who they are!
Family oriented: This is an abbreviated version of ancestry.com. There are references to the ship manifest and the number of generations back their proud family heritage commences. It may also include where their offspring were educated and their whereabouts at the present time.
Work resume: A profile of someone who is only and truly their “employment”. Frequently this individual will utilize acronyms only the corporate division on the 36th floor of their ivory tower would be familiar with. (“I was the FEVP for the KMA in Intercourse, PA from 1980 to 1989”)
Really busy: This individual will have multiple paragraphs of their weekly/monthly schedules which may include when they snowbird to Miami, dinner/babysitting with the grandbabies every Friday, canasta, hot yoga, water aerobics, massages, bingo, tailor appointments, dental cleanings, concerts, on and on and on.
Physically fit: This profile includes and exhaustive list of their bicycle tours, gym schedule, spin classes, weight lifting, competitive swimming and lots of photos of their magnificent physiques.
Honest: This is usually a summary of needing a place to land. They are either seeking someone to cook, clean and run to the pharmacy or an exchange of duty for a place to live. The jurisdiction of the remote control is negotiable. Favorite pastimes is watching television, going to the grocery store and doorbell pizza.
Romantic: This may be a sexual soft porn under the guise of “romance”. There may be vivid descriptions of where they want to place their hands, pda, wrapping legs together on the couch, full disclosure of what they like to see you wear or not wear. Provocative and titillating photos may be included.
Heartbroken: Words of grief for a deceased love of their life. Marriage or relationship tenure included, frequently with photos of the happy couple during much happier times.
World traveler: Lots and lots of photos of themselves standing on top of the Rock of Gibraltar or in front of a pyramid. This may be professional or personal travel – info included in a lengthy description of being cosmopolitan, with a penchant for exotic cuisine. (pig lips)
Materialistic: Look at my McMansion, motorcycle(s), breast enhancement, yacht, fishing boat(s), Rolex watch, swimming pool and deck, hot tub, outdoor kitchen, cabanas, diamond pinkie ring, Dodge Viper, Louboutin shoes, swim up bar, customized golf cart, cloned dog and wine collection!
Your Next Prospective Love: This magic profile will read as though the writer is whispering in your ear and that once-in-a-lifetime feeling of “they get me” encompasses over you.
It helps to have a plan for prevention of being overwhelmed with information. Relax – enjoy the magic carpet ride as though you were reading mini biographies. It is especially enjoyable if you have a high interest in every type of individual. It is a glorious cross reference of mankind and womankind.
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