Dating over 60 – Dating while married

Dating while married can be a complicated issue from both or either side of a new relationship – to say the least. An honest individual will disclose their marital status up front. If you are given the explanation of a “complicated” situation, it may be a “heads up” moment.

An example of obfuscated situation can very well include a hospitalized spouse for reasons of Alzheimer’s disease, debilitating conditions or any other situation requiring long term care. It may include health care insurance requirements, financial support, and/or a devout vow to love and cherish. Meeting an individual with extreme circumstances will require empathy and compassion to understand the extreme circumstances. Communication is a key element with this unique journey.

Prospective dates who are legally married may be:

  • Separated while living separately
  • Separated while living under the same roof
  • Living under the same roof but discussing divorce
  • Living in different states with no intention of obtaining a divorce
  • Waiting for the “other” spouse to initiate or pay for the divorce
  • In an “open” relationship
  • Seeking a “swinger” relationship
  • Amid a separation of property and/or child custody proceedings

Dating an actively married individual can create a safety situation. If the married party is “sneaking” around without notifying his/her/their current spouse, a severe domestic blow-up can manifest. Tread lightly and do your homework if you are considering a rendezvous, with the knowledge they have “secrets”. Extra marital affairs have the ability of creating a horrific crime, such as the Clara Harris case.

 Many a mother has informed their daughters, “Married men always retreat back to their wives.” When you become committed in a relationship with a married individual, there is a reason they have not formally dissolved their marriage. It is not unheard of for a divorced individual to suddenly break with you to return to a person they were previously married to. It is not unheard of to know folks who have re-married a previous spouse.

Truly get to know the circumstances of your new love. Trust is paramount. Verification through outside sources, Dating over 60 – Know me, Know you, will provide an insight as to integrity and character.

Communication with your married date/partner/relationship will assist you with making a qualified decision. Honesty and being transparent allows both parties to know the degree of risk, present and future.  

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Dating over 60 – Don’t fall for it

For the most part, the dating world is a kind and polite experience. It is called “dating” for a reason. Emotions are known to get out of control to influence a life changing decision – Don’t fall for it. The over 60 dating population may view the quest to pressure a quick commitment, “because we are running out of time!” Further ulterior motives surface with getting to know your new love interest on a deeper level.

Loneliness is a dominant factor with a fast suggestion to move in together. It starts out easy and romantic with sharing a starry-eyed weekend. Extended commutes between homes always makes for the convenience factor of, “Just stay the night”. First thing you know, you’re scrambling eggs, running to the grocery store and washing a load of towels. New relationships are blissful and happy.

This can lead to lunch with mother once a month, mailing packages to the college child, driving to the laundry, pharmacy, butcher shop, post office and answering his/her business phone. Determine what you want before falling into domestic service in the name of love. You may receive amorous notes of devotion, special little surprise gifts and heady passion for six to twelve weeks. This may cloud your grounded decision-making skills. Ninety days forward you’re into domestic servitude and decreasing bank balance without any of the committed relationship benefits.

Take your time in getting to know Mr. or Ms. Love Prospect. Learn from their relationship history. Will you be the special star above the rest? Filter through their expectations. Are they seeking a “nurse with a Purse” or a “Home Aide Maid”? What are your expectations? Do you view all relationships as equal partners, traditional roles or parenting partners? Ulterior motives do not always broadcast in a timely manner. Communication should also include the fragile talks about finances and planning a future together. If money is not a perfect balance, resentment and being taken advantage of can blow everything up.

If you have known everlasting true love, you will recognize it. Genuine love outlives a rush job. Listen to the little voice inside your head. Use your best intuition. The right answers sometimes have their own timetable.

Be safe. Be you. Be happy.

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