Dating over 60 – Profile interpretation

Profile interpretation can be a kaleidoscope view if you have no idea who your next best is going to be. Successful online dating can be accomplished with a basic outline of what you will tolerate and what melts your butter. If you are certain of age range, divorced/widow(er)/separated/other status, location, and height/body type, you have a solid start.

The following is an unscientific synopsis of profile categories:

Non-existent:     They have not written a damn thing. This individual is trying to be mysterious, hide something, is disinterested or lazy. You will have to guess who they are!

Family oriented:     This is an abbreviated version of ancestry.com. There are references to the ship manifest and the number of generations back their proud family heritage commences. It may also include where their offspring were educated and their whereabouts at the present time.

Work resume:     A profile of someone who is only and truly their “employment”.  Frequently this individual will utilize acronyms only the corporate division on the 36th floor of their ivory tower would be familiar with. (“I was the FEVP for the KMA in Intercourse, PA from 1980 to 1989”)

Really busy:     This individual will have multiple paragraphs of their weekly/monthly schedules which may include when they snowbird to Miami, dinner/babysitting with the grandbabies every Friday, canasta, hot yoga, water aerobics, massages, bingo, tailor appointments, dental cleanings, concerts, on and on and on.

Physically fit:     This profile includes and exhaustive list of their bicycle tours, gym schedule, spin classes, weight lifting, competitive swimming and lots of photos of their magnificent physiques.

Honest:     This is usually a summary of needing a place to land. They are either seeking someone to cook, clean and run to the pharmacy or an exchange of duty for a place to live. The jurisdiction of the remote control is negotiable. Favorite pastimes is watching television, going to the grocery store and doorbell pizza.

Romantic:     This may be a sexual soft porn under the guise of “romance”. There may be vivid descriptions of where they want to place their hands, pda, wrapping legs together on the couch, full disclosure of what they like to see you wear or not wear. Provocative and titillating photos may be included.

Heartbroken:     Words of grief for a deceased love of their life. Marriage or relationship tenure included, frequently with photos of the happy couple during much happier times.

World traveler:     Lots and lots of photos of themselves standing on top of the Rock of Gibraltar or in front of a pyramid. This may be professional or personal travel – info included in a lengthy description of being cosmopolitan, with a penchant for exotic cuisine. (pig lips)

Materialistic:     Look at my McMansion, motorcycle(s), breast enhancement, yacht, fishing boat(s), Rolex watch, swimming pool and deck, hot tub, outdoor kitchen, cabanas, diamond pinkie ring, Dodge Viper, Louboutin shoes, swim up bar, customized golf cart, cloned dog and wine collection!    

Your Next Prospective Love:     This magic profile will read as though the writer is whispering in your ear and that once-in-a-lifetime feeling of “they get me” encompasses over you.

It helps to have a plan for prevention of being overwhelmed with information. Relax – enjoy the magic carpet ride as though you were reading mini biographies. It is especially enjoyable if you have a high interest in every type of individual. It is a glorious cross reference of mankind and womankind.

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Dating over 60 – A social distance date

You have met someone new. It may have been through a mutual acquaintance, online dating, hiking in a park, they were hitchhiking- you allowed them to ride in the bed of your pick-up truck, hitting 80 down the freeway! No judgement on the specifics of where you meet your new love interest – Social distancing is a crucial element to be followed during a pandemic.

It is not impossible to “date” during a Covid19 outbreak. You must get creative with your non-interactions! This is not the prime time for hugs, pecks on the cheek or even to getting to first or second base. If you encounter love at first sight, do not let nature guide your instincts. Staying alive is your priority.

Preliminary interactions can take place with texting, telephone calls, WhatsApp Messenger, Facebook Messenger and Google Hangouts. These applications allow for typing your inner most thoughts, what you ate for lunch and just getting to know your new acquaintance. They also offer the ability to share photos and limited videos. Telephone calls provide more insight to Southern drawls, British accents, perfect annunciation, joyous laughter, and the ability to swoon at an “oh, Baby”!

A true virtual date can be established through Facetime, Skype, Zoom and Microsoft Teams. This is interacting with your newly met human, face to face, in real time on a mobile phone screen, laptop, IPad, etc. This is a great time to present your best self. “It’s the next best thing to being there.” This is in real time so straighten the loose straps, shoulders back, chest out, smile, brush the pearly whites and wear your good underwear – it will make you feel fancy! A positive disposition and confident humor will win points.

If you feel you have worn out the mobile phone and Zoom calls, safe in person social distancing meetings can be a creative next step. If you have enough discipline to stay six feet apart, the following suggestions may be something to look forward to:

  • A tailgate picnic – a bottle of wine or other choice beverages and a light appetizer in separate containers, one for each. This can be achieved with 2 lawn chairs in a park or beach setting.
  • Meet in the Park – take a stroll or hike in a local park – social distancing, of course. If you are totally smitten with each other, this can be timed to watch a sunrise or sunset depending on available views.
  • Beach or Lake Outing – If you are fortunate to have a local water feature, this creates a great backdrop for conversation and relaxation. A view of ships, boats, boardwalk, and birds can be a plus.
  • Arboretums & Gardens – Flora and fauna can keep you both in touch with nature while maintaining social distancing. It will be good luck to see a monarch butterfly or two.
  • Dog Parks – This only works if one/both of you has a dog OR you can borrow a dog for the day at an animal shelter that has this activity available.

Be excited! A dance in your step and a song in your heart will make for a positive collaboration. Remember your social distancing, brave hearts will wear a mask and be safe. It is not impossible to learn about each other, six feet apart.

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Dating over 60 – Interview or Interrogation

First dates and initial meetings can stress out the savviest dater. Text and telephone conversations are important in making the first impression a positive outcome. There is a fine line in crossing over into interrogation mode when trying to get to know someone. Innovative and engaging conversation should never feel like a job interview either.

Telephone conversations before the first meet and greet/date is a necessary step in determining if you may be compatible for any kind of relationship. If the candidate starts talking and doesn’t take a breath for 45 minutes, it may be a sign their favorite subject is themselves. Telephone conversations relay a wealth of information. You may be informed their number is a landline. In the current world, having a smart phone for anyone leaving their love nest, is almost a necessity. If you agree that your prospective love interest is just fine living in 1996 – be prepared to do anything technically specific to survive for them. An example would be ordering their “senior coffee” at the kiosk in McDonalds!   We all wish for the caller using a movie star voice, a comforting attitude and an enthusiastic welcome to share words with you.

You may be an experienced public speaker, but occupational theatrics may not be your best bet when making a love connection.  Your experience with outside sales spiels may make your clients roar with laughter during the 5-star lunch your corporate expense account is paying for. If you are the comedian in your bible study, gauge your new audience before delivering the punchline, “Jesus Christ, are you still in the bathroom”!

Consider the comfort of your date before shooting off closed-end questions, such as:

  • Where do you live?
  • How many kids do you have?
  • Do you work?

A one- or two-word response stops the conversation. Open-end questions will open a conversation for a response of more than a “yes” or “no” answer. Conversation starters allow an extension for showing interest without being invasive. Instead of:

  • Where do you live?     What is the best thing about living in WhereTheHellAmI, AL?
  • How many kids do you have?     How grand of a production is the holidays at your house?          
  • Do you work?     What interest keeps your heart happy during the week? Skydiving? Dating Coach? Map maker? Car jockey? Rocket scientist?  

If you feel like you are sitting in a tiny room with a bare light bulb burning above your head, tell Sargent Joe Friday to step back with the rapid fire of questions. You are under no obligation to disclose anything which makes you uncomfortable. A great response is to just stare back at your date with a smile on your face. State in a firm tone, “I’d rather not answer that.” You are the judge calculating if the question is innocent or digging for private and unjustifiable nobody’s business but your own!

The interviewer/date may start off with where they grew up, in a nuclear family of five in suburbia and hula hoop lessons all the way around. The information may bleed into the college and employment resume. If every single one of their work titles and positions is stated, take a deep breath and excuse yourself to wash your hands. You will be in a position to re-direct the conversation upon your return.

The expectation is that you release the elevator pitch of your “Wonder Years” to determine if there will be a second interview. Your 30 second announcement, 75 words or less can be as vague or as specific as you wish. You are in the driver’s seat when it is your turn. Inserting humor can lighten the direction of the banter into a natural flow of getting to know each other.

Be authentic and true to yourself. If the initial dialogue did not meet your expectation, you may have a humorous story to share later. Remember, it’s a date not a marriage commitment – at least not yet!

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