Blunt advice for every home seller

The following 20 action items may not be applicable to your specific home selling circumstances, therefore pick and choose the actions specific to your needs.

1. If your garden tub does not have a shower head – tear down the shower curtain surrounding it (You don’t need to have a prospective buyer psychologically analyze why it is there)

2. Get rid of the scatter rugs- immediately (If there’s a hole in the floor put hazard tape around it)

3. For the love of all religions –There should not be an egg yolk stained dish, spaghetti laced colander, or sticky, fingerprinted water glass in sight. (take the dirty dishes with you before the Realtor brings the prospective buyer into the house)

4. TAKE THE TRASH OUT – “Out” meaning, out of doors, put it in your car, take it to the office – anywhere but inside the house.

5. Take half of the books displayed and box them up for storage.

6. Fake plants/flowers have no place in the world – especially in your house during a showing.

7. Clear the walls. Take down the ducks, clucks, and bucks or anything not resembling an invisible icon. (NO family portraits- the portrait of a woman with the jeweled crown on her head still haunts me)

8. Bathroom vanities should only have some type of soap/container out and NOTHING ELSE.

9. Two – ONLY two (2) items should remain on the kitchen counters

Clear the kitchen counters
Clear the kitchen counters

–Seller’s choice.

10. Window sills are sacred ground. Not even a dust particle should be displayed on any window sill. (I almost had a bowling ball collection land on my foot when opening the blinds at one showing)

11. Put half of your furniture in storage. Tour a model home. There is an absence of dressers, occasional tables, foot stools, curio cabinets, file cabinets and bookcases.

12. Box up the electronics. Prospective buyers will have Chevy Chase flashbacks if they are overwhelmed with multiple surge protectors and a pasta spiral of cords exposed.

13. Door handles were never intended to be display hooks for foundation garments and jock straps.

14. Shoes should only be displayed on a human being’s feet. It is a tripping hazard to crawl over a mountain of shoes in the foyer, vestibule, doorways and on stairs.

15. Closets should have nothing on the floor – unless the set of golf clubs or a vacuum cleaner is the only item being stored.

16. Your children and pets can temporarily live with 2 or 3 toys until the house is sold. Laura Ingalls Wilder grew up with a doll made from a corn cob and she turned out OK.

17. Remove toilet seat covers. Get rid of toilet seat covers. No toilet seat covers.

18. Religious displays, teams/sports affinities, political statement pieces and nude art pieces should be packed for your move. A neutral environment will allow prospective buyers the ability to picture themselves living in the home.  “What about ‘em “Stillers”?”

19. Remove all “poop”. This includes from litter boxes, aquariums, diaper pails and genies, yard – dogs – detail, small animal habitations and bird cages. Buyers will walk through the backyard and back into your home.

20. Can’t believe it needs said – Put firearms, guns, rifles, swords, knives and weapons of any kind in a locked gun safe or secured off premises.

The house, condo, townhome you have listed for sale is no longer your home during the listing period. A neutral environment will expedite the sales process. It is a lot of work and disrupts the routine of the household. A temporary inconvenience will result in a favorable outcome.  Call an experienced and blunt Realtor® for professional guidance.© 2016 – All rights reserved. May not be reprinted without permission.

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