New habits living alone

My new stage of life has created new habits, procedures and practices. Living alone, after raising a family and being married, for what my heart thought would be forever, has created a lifestyle I was unprepared for. Everyday brings a new adventure.

For well over 22 years, I never woke myself up or had to make coffee. I am totally unfamiliar with how to set the alarm clock. The alarm on my phone is not loud enough, even planted on a docking station. Stumbling over the dog and canine toys on the floor in the morning to make coffee is still a foreign practice. I not only have to make the coffee – it isn’t delivered to me in bed anymore. I’m still shocked when I wake up. The dog has learned to dodge me, especially if I can’t find my glasses.

Getting the trash out to the enormous vessel on wheels is a monumental task. Then, the small bag of trash in the ginormous vessel on wheels needs navigated to the street on a designated day and time. I feel a little guilty from all those years of nagging the kids to get the trash out to the curb. My sons were famous in Covington Woods  for chasing down the garbage truck, dressed in whatever they’d been sleeping in.

Meeting decent dietary requirements is still rocking between “I know better” and “who gives a rat’s ass”. There have been a lot of wasted trips to the grocery store. It seems to be a difficult endeavor to purchase food. Real food – not cookies and bottled water. I wander around the store with no list or menu and leave with 3 bottles of wine. The emotional excuses are stupid but still understandable. I don’t buy in quantities anymore and all portions are too large. I can’t eat a whole pie – even though the challenge is enticing. I don’t want to eat the same thing everyday for a week. My cooking skills are not the best. Frozen dinners are awful. See where I’m going with this – It would be best to move the smoke alarm out to the garage and keep on trying.

I’ve owned ten vehicles in my life. I just changed the registration sticker in one of them for the first time. It sounds like a silly accomplishment but I didn’t know if I’d be able to get the old one off and get the new one on without screwing it up. Per square inch, it is an expensive sticker!

I had never used the riding lawn mower in the garage. Since finding the manual was overwhelming, I went to the internet for spiritual guidance. It gave me the direction needed for all mechanics except the one problem of driving over a ridge or hole in the yard. It took me a few times of bouncing off the seat to realize that is what makes the damn thing stop running.

Simple home repairs are manageable if I wasn’t afraid of breaking the faucet off of the outside of the house. It irks me to have to call the plumber to replace a rubber washer in a faucet because I couldn’t wrench the damn thing apart. I was able to use the fancy, battery operated wine bottle opener when I had a broken arm. Someone needs to invent something like that for faucet repair.

Social anxiety is a weird, new experience. In the past year, I attended a couple of funerals alone. This was an excruciating, lifetime first for me. It didn’t help that the driver side door handle broke on my SUV. There is nothing more horrifying than being crotch up in the windshield, dragging my ass across the center console, getting into the driver’s seat in front of a funeral home. I know Aunt Altie was laughing from heaven xx

A social event at a friend’s home, produced an instance that struck me sideways. Someone asked me out. It was a shudder moment that left my mind racing for a way to handle the situation. I am naive in that I don’t realize one’s intentions. I just thought he was being kind. Another broken heart left in the flying dust of the highway.

The DeWalt drill is now my new friend. My Realtor® signs had always been put together for me. Today, I drilled holes in a post, found the right size screws, washers and bolts. It took 3 HOURS but I think I know how to do it now! The drill scared the bejesus out of me when the drill bit flew out of it. No injuries to report.

 

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Another season – Another reason

Turkey and chilli should never be mixed together                            nor even be associated with each other.

Before cell phones, we would let our parents know we arrived safely at a destination by calling collect and asking for ourselves.

I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I can’t do this.                   There are no choices. Just silent voices.

Wind blows through me.

What’s up with that?

Remember when watching television was free? Now I pay $85.00/month for commercials and shopping channels. When the contract expires, DirectTV can stuff their “Schiticky” up their “Aspray”.

Why is this happening to me?

Cherry Point, McKeesport, Pleasant Hills, State College, Mt. Washington, Houston, Sugar Land, Paris    ???????????

If all of your dreams crash screaming into the fires of hell……….

Dumb ass squirrels chewed the ropes holding up the bird feeder.

We love dogs because they act like little people in pajamas.

Pita chips are as tasty as sucking dry flour down your throat.

A seat sniffer on public transportation gets more respect than retail employees.Be kind to the associate fitting you for foundation garments or penciling in your bushy brows!

“The older you get –  the more invisible you become”

Rainbows are still magic

Being politically correct is really making my ass ache. Get the chip off your shoulder and lighten up. A decent human being knows the difference between assault and an innocent gesture. Move on.

Where are you? Jesus Christ, where did you go??????????????

Instead of joining a health club – cut your own grass, wash your own car, clean your home and cook your own food. Your weight bearing exercise, running and squats will be covered.

Live without a television for a month and watch your life happen.

For the life of me, I never know how much a postage stamp costs? It used to be printed on the item until “forever” stamps came into vogue. Someone should tell the USPS that nothing lasts forever….

No one says, “groovey” anymore.

When the horrific fright slams me and the world stops, I close my eyes and imagine putting my face in your neck and feeling your arms encompass me.

Can’t sleep – write

Can’t eat – write

Can’t talk – write

Jails and prisons are full of people unable to conform with the rules of society. This behavior is an exhibition of mental illness. If these facilities aren’t structured to address mental illness, a better idea would be to let these folks form their own society in their own city. They won’t have laws to break. Just drop their asses off and let life happen.

You sell me a non-functioning PC and charge me a restocking fee! Really?

Mushrooms are my favorite meat

Come on         Come on             Come on                           Come on

Tooth enamel paint, eye vitamins, Viagra, nostril salt water rinse, plucking, shaving, 4 different soaps & cleansers, exfoliation, foot genie, do the roots, gel nails,  false lashes, fake boobs, imitation truths – Is there any time left to give to others?

It’s all about me

Now, here’s the deal…

Entitlement:    creates a mind boggling whirlwind brain tornado – Just don’t understand it

Love*Peace*Power*Happiness

“Let it be”

Get off of yourself

Put all of your cards on the table

Love, Me xoxxoxooxxx

Naked in the wind is not always your best look

“And the forest will echo with laughter…”

oh god – here goes

Another season - Another reason

Another season – Another reason

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

©WriteInSpace

 

Monuments, wedding bands, grave markers & everlasting love

- Mik Everett

– Mik Everett

I have been postponing the purchase, creation and permanence of a monument for my precious husband’s grave. It is funny how your mind doesn’t work properly when half of you is missing. I have a fear of not being able to find his grave. I have a fear of being sorry I made the wrong choices. He wouldn’t approve of anything other than the marker provided by the VA. I heard many times, over many years, ” put me in a wooden box and throw me in the ocean when I die. Don’t be spending all that money on stuff that doesn’t matter.” I would then inform him, “Don’t worry about it. I need to die first because I wouldn’t be able to live without you.” Sad fact, I am existing without him.

There is a deja vu in making choices for things you will have hanging around for decades. It took me the better part of a year to say yes to my husbands wedding proposal. He didn’t actually propose. He told every human being he came in contact with that we were getting married. Choosing wedding bands summed up the same mind dilemma I am having now with the grave monument. It had nothing to do with how I felt about my future. Married or not, I was going to be with the love of my life till “death do us part.” Those words really had no meaning to me until the “death do us part” actually and unexpectedly happened. Wedding rings are something you have to live with day in and day out. They had to be just right. Not too wide and not to gaudy with a reflection of who we actually are. They’re a proclamation to society. That part always bothered me because I picture a cave man dragging his cave woman by the hair and screaming to the other cave people, “this is my cave woman!”

Always marching to the beat of a different drummer, it was important to us to know we were together forever with everlasting love. The wedding rings were part of the permanence. It made for memorable events. We learned a lot about each other in the transaction of choosing styles and price. It was a surprise to know what was truly important to him. A diamond engagement ring was included in the ring round-up of dancing from jeweler to gold and diamond retailer. I came to know my happiness superseded finance, though my taste was simple. Joy and being proud of the achievement radiated from my prospective husband. It was as though the “deal was sealed”. I was elated in sharing the symbolic time with him. Writing about this remembrance in our lives has evoked a moment of happiness in me.

The grave monument will be the “forever” in my life time. It is evoking a similar correlation to the purchase of the wedding rings except I am doing it alone. I say, I am doing it alone but his voice is in my head. His feelings are in my heart. I still feel him walking beside me but then reality kicks in. Learning to be just me again has not been an easy endeavor. It’s a good thing my preferences are usually simple and minimalist in nature. Preliminary research has presented some examples of extreme grief exhibited in multiple ways and means. It is not my intention to leave all of my feelings and price tag hanging from an over-extravagant exhibition at the graveyard. My precious husband would surely be “rolling over in his grave.”

We never discussed epitaphs except the famous one, probably presented from a Facebook passage, that said, “I told you I was sick.” My husband was an award winning writer. It creates a need to put a poignant phrase on the granite. Do I write something myself? Do I put a quote on it from a song? His most famous saying was, “Now, here’s the deal” which was used many a time for problem solving purposes and to teach life lessons to our kids. In fact, our oldest daughter created a sign with that verse on it as a remembrance for her Dad.

It has been a compromise to appease the rest of the family during this turbulent and trying expedition. He was a part of their lives, but he was my world. I will not be asking advice or opinion for this decision. It may rock some hemispheres if a quote from a Led Zeppelin song appears on the marker on the Oklahoma prairie. This resolution is personal and mine. Just like the wedding bands, the grave monument will be there a long time. It’s a symbol of everlasting love.

 

 

Why are you entitled?

As old as I am, it is still a shocker to hear someone verbalize their entitlement. It can be as small as a cosmetic customer asking for a mascara sample because she simply doesn’t want to pay the ticket to purchase the item. Samples are provided for “paying” customers to use a new product. If they like the new product, they return to “purchase” it. Sample whores never want to “pay” for anything. They feel entitled to receive.

One of our teenage daughters brought home a parasite for a date one evening. He was about 8 years younger than I was, at the time. We asked him what his ambition in life was. He stated emphatically that he was waiting for his parents to die so he could inherit their printing business. I asked him what position he presently held and he looked at me as if he’d been shot with a stun gun. He didn’t really do anything there. My husband promptly escorted him to the front door for his “do nothing” exit. Needless to say, the daughter thought we were the nut cases until we informed her of the values of work ethic, responsibility, compassion and you don’t work – you don’t eat.

When Hurricane Ike hit Bolivar Peninsula and Crystal Beach, Texas, an acquaintance, we checked on told us she was waiting for government assistance because she didn’t evacuate when required to and lost her car. Needless to say, she lost her home and her minimum wage, part time job, also. Tragic as this was, she was given a new furnished, two bedroom apartment so her unemployed boyfriend could stay with her. She was also given a check for new clothing and transportation. She told me she was going to take 5 or 6 months off before looking for a job because she had money to live off of. While she was on vacation, our neighbors were fighting with insurance companies for 2 years to settle claims for homes wiped off the face of the earth from a tidal surge. They worked hard to pay for those homes and the expensive insurance. I had to watch them shovel their personal belongings and busted pieces of their homes from their lots as they were piecing their lives back together while the entitled collected checks.

I volunteer at a food pantry. The majority of recipients are extremely appreciative for the help. The ones which irk my ire are the ones with the expensive smart phones, new cars, and smell like dope and cigarettes with their mouths going. They complain about checking in. They want you to hurry up because they have to be somewhere else. They are agitated if they have to wait. The biggest bam is they complain about the food items they are receiving. They want steak and pastries.

You should live your life with the rewards earned. No one owes you anything. You are not entitled to receive something simply because you exist. If you didn’t pay in – there should be no proceeds available for you. The world would work better. I draw the line for the elderly and children. Never condemn the innocent and those needing true assistance. Education is the key to correction.

 

New Age vs Old Age Employmemt Challenges

Unemployment is difficult enough. If your previous employment spanned many, many years – the process is similar to getting a divorce after the silver anniversary. The interview process is in the same category as “What do I wear on the post-divorce first date and am I expected to sleep with them?”

Without going into the world viewing youth as intelligence and aging as demented, crazy and invisible, the interview process is arduous, at best. Interviewers are getting younger as you age in the lobby, surrounded by people your kid’s ages. Especially for the first five or six interview outings, you are most likely over dressed and lacking a nose ring. Your wrinkles and graying hair are secondary to the archaic briefcase or portfolio under your arm. Shoes with buckles and shoestrings are passe’. A good pair of flip-flops or any shoes made of rubber and dirty toenails are available for viewing. The employment opportunities for this scenario are not blue-collar. They are actually professional sales, financial and technological positions.

I had been laid off, for the first time in my long-term professional life, after the age of 40. One interviewer, who appeared to have just rolled out of couch, held his Blackberry up in front of me and asked, “Do you know what this is?” Another wiseass asked if I knew how to turn a laptop on. I informed him that I had the capability of not only turning it on, but take it apart, put it back together and re-program the entire thing. I guess he didn’t like my response because “Tiffany Cleavage” in the lobby, got the job. One of my friends, a current employee with this up and coming executive, was seeking new employment but was in desperate financial straits and stuck. She was also ten years younger than I was.

Being a bit outspoken, follow-up to an interview, always yielded jolly propaganda. I always asked what my deficits may have been. The ones who didn’t blow smoke gave me some true insight such as:

  • You look like a banker
  • I couldn’t picture you unloading product from an 18 wheeler – (This was not in the job description or mentioned during the interview!)
  • You would have my job in a day or two and I couldn’t risk hiring you.

One employment opportunity resulted in four interviews. The first three “show and tells”  allowed the escalation of executives a chance to increase expenses by flying into Houston from Boston – otherwise, they would have flown me and/or the other candidates to Boston! The position, up for grabs, was highly compensated and possessed an upper echelon profile. An assessment after Interview #2 yielded that I had an “extreme sense of urgency”! During the process, the company recruiter would telephone me and discuss the previous appointment and inform me of the “going forward” recommendation for yet another go around. A Don Draper, Mad Men type conducted interview #4.  He was the epitome of a well upholstered “suit”. Five minutes into the engagement, he mocked my responses which included one of my hand gestures. Looking back, I wished it had been one of my other hand gestures. He challenged each one of my replies to his questions in a most derogatory and demeaning manner. Fifteen minutes later, as the hair on the back of my neck stood up, I backed my way to the conference room exit while he continued to prattle. I ended the interview.

The recruiter called a few hours later. She asked why I exited the interview early. I gave her the generic response that I was not the right candidate for the position. She informed me that my competition for the job was only one other person. Again, I told her it was not a “good fit”. A few days later, she called me again. She was insistent in knowing why I left the interview. Was it my place to inform her Mr. Suit intuitively appeared a predator, woman-hater, wife beater and general asshole? Yea, Baby, I could just imagine a cross-country travel rendezvous business trip with him as my vice-president! The telephone conversation created the instantaneous response reflex of:

  • Do I assassinate his character and risk a lawsuit?
  • What are the benefits of telling the recruiter something she already knew?
  • Did she really want to hear my conclusions based on life experience, knowing of a bunch of gems like him and intuition?

I made a business quick wit and allowed the recruiter to conclude the outcome with the results of the process. A lot of time, money, travel, and dry cleaning expense to have a qualified candidate turn them down when the horses were coming around the bend and headed for the straight a way. They’re smart people. I think this may have been a déjà vu.

Appropriately, each of us knows when we are qualified and age was a non-hire condition. My personal experience with the hiring process yields the following direction with the interview process:

  •  Do not use Old Spice or Youth-Dew fragrances.
  • Do not be late – Especially a whole day.
  •  Do not have your significant other drive you and wait with the kids in the reception area.
  • Keep the cocktail wear for bar mitzvahs, wedding receptions, glamour shots and family portraits –  Send a photo to the Ellen Show.
  • Stay awake and sober for the interview.
  • Be yourself.
  • Be true to yourself.

 

 

Cable Cut – Dish Cut – Cost Cut

Extensive research has revealed there are a lot of people cutting the cable and disconnecting the satellite dish. The numbers vary depending on the data source. It is a huge decision because it changes your routine, habits, lifestyle and psyche.

When our children were young, we moved into a new home. A demanding job did not allow me the luxury of making an appointment to have the cable company set up service immediately. You would have thought someone ripped our 9-year-old’s heart out without an anesthetic. The cable company would not give a specific appointment time. It was a block of time which spanned morning or afternoon. I had been a previous victim. Taking a day off of work for a no-show technician did nothing but set me off like Sputnik. Our 9 year old did not receive the “luxury” of cable/satellite, again until he was 14 years old. The only reason he then received the gift of hundreds of channels was because his older brother was on a ship in a war zone and we became extreme news junkies.

By the way, when the satellite was installed, I had to call the billing department every month for years because the billing was incorrect. A credit would be issued, but the problem persisted. Every time it rained or the wind picked up, the service was “iffy”. I called customer service so many times, I eventually could re-program and re-position the satellite dish, with someone on the roof to scream instruction to,  without their assistance. Hurricane Ike blew the satellite off of the roof. My relationship with the satellite dish was starting to fray.

When you have a satellite/cable service – the family takes it for granted. The majority of the viewing, to my observation, were channels we were able to access at no charge with a homemade antenna created from leftover ceiling grid in our attic. The billing statement reflected a fee for HD access. When the televisions were on the antenna, we had HD at no charge. The satellite provider scrambled the HD and we were paying them a fee for HD to be accessible through their service. We were also paying to access local programming for which we were able to access “FREE” on the antenna. For an outrageous total charge per month, we could watch repetitious commercials, a whole lot of shopping channels, MTV that wasn’t the MTV I had loved and every single time I turned HBO on, they were showing “Somewhere in Time” starring Christopher Reeves. It didn’t matter what day or what time – that movie was on. Christopher will always be Superman to me – and dearly missed.

The 14-year-old grew up and graduated from college. A decision was made to stop the tv service madness. At the time, we lived outside of Houston. There were 54 channels available through the antenna. Now, some were in languages I had always intended to learn and a few were extremely religious. Most were in HD and reception was crystal clear. The same can’t be said for living outside of beautiful Paris, TX. Our antenna access amounts to CBS, Fox and 2 limited Oklahoma PBS channels. If anyone with money is in Oklahoma reading this – please contribute to your PBS station. The programs showing now were seen in Houston a long time ago. That said, my interest lies in access to local weather which can be seen on the CBS channel.

Any television viewing is now accomplished by switching over to Roku. World news, national news, Pandora, Netflix, HuluPlus, etc are here to entertain, educate and teach me how to make my own creme fraiche. Netflix is better at less or no commercial interruptions than HuluPlus. It was a fantastic to watch 4 seasons of Mad Men without any commercials. Continuous story line and actual use of the 18 minutes, average, time in my life to do something constructive – instead of multiple and redundant commercials to stop hemmoroid itching or to lose weight. By the way, we didn’t do the Mad Men marathon where you start the gig at 10:00 am, in your night clothes and watch continuously for 20 hours at a time! No, we watched the episodes in the evening over a period of weeks!

Instead of watching mindless prattle available for a fee, we are now able to choose exactly what we want to watch and when we want to watch it. It was not a hard habit to break. Think of how many hours your children and family members are glued to the tv out of habit. Ask them when they last saw a movie or program on a premium channel and discuss the subject matter. You will be amazed by the feedback.

If you subscribe to Netflix, HuluPlus and assorted other programs accessible through the internet, your savings can amount to over $1,000.00 per year by cutting the cable/satellite service. This depends on your current expenditure and your future decisions. The most valued benefit we have received is time.

 

 

Adjustment –

Initial Observations

I just moved from the 4th largest city in the USA to a town north of Paris, Texas.  “Visiting” and “living” in a place can be quite different. The area is beautiful with lakes, lots of trees and green space is the specialty. There are no commuter incidents – there are few commuters! The stars at night are magnified just because there is no conflict from billboards, mega dealerships, malls, 12 lane freeways or marketing competitions. It’s quiet, too. The change, I feel, is like I was previously riding a rocket without a helmet and now I am waiting for a bus with a parasol  – on a rural route.

Your creative spirit epitomizes when you don’t have what you need at your whim. We tried purchasing towel bars the other day. The 2 or 3 stores selling this item have very few choices and even on a compromise of style – the required sizes were unavailable. In the meantime, wet towels are hung over the shower rod! Patience will be the foundation of this transition.

In another vein – there are multiple non-franchise eateries to choose from. Someone in the back is actually cooking food! It is not “nuked”, flash frozen re-thawed, or kit produced. Most produce is a lot fresher – the source is close at hand. What the big cities announce as organic is usual fare here.The one deficit, at this early stage of being here, is there is no “fine dining” experience available. I will have to save those for road trips to Dallas or Houston. Learning to cook what I haven’t been able to find has had a few trials and tribulations – I can’t find fresh bean sprouts or snow peas. The ethnic ingredient availability is limited or non-existent – unless you’re making barbecue (cowboy food) or covered dishes for a church supper.

The bakeries are out of this world. Creative and delightful pieces of heaven handed to you in a little white box. This alone will keep my ass happy. When I die – I want a cookie in one hand and a donut in the other. There are two candy stores I have patronized. Neither sells candy by the pound. They are priced per piece. One shop had no air conditioning (the outside temp was 105 degrees that day) and the candies were itty-bitty. The other shop had a congenial shop keeper with huge chunks of chocolate ecstasy priced the same, per piece, as the other shop. Guess where I will become a loyal fan?

Three weeks in – I barely know the neighbors. I can find my way to a grocery store and the post office. I am 1,000 square feet short on living space until we build a home – try finding anything of any importance when you have space bags and boxes stacked as high as you are tall! The pillow cases are not matching and the flat ware has gone on leave, but I am happy to finally be here.