Consumer Crazy

The first day of first grade yielded a timeless lesson to be repeated for the rest of my life. Mrs. Weddel, the teacher, sat me down at my assigned desk. The school supplies were stacked neatly on top.  The box of fat Crayola crayons had one each of the primary colors – except mine. No red crayon. Did you ever draw a fire truck without a red crayon? Try convincing your mother Santa likes wearing an orange suit.

Brita pitcher with the lid perched on the top

I bought a new Brita pitcher. The top will not stay on. We have had the dining room table flooded, as well as the refrigerator. I ordered it online. It will cost almost the price of the pitcher to ship it back.

My dream car was a Camaro Z28. The mid-life crisis was cured with a spanking brand new one parked in the driveway. It was medium quad blue, sparkly and hauled ass. The odometer ran backwards – which is a problem when you are recording your mileage every day. The security alarm would get stuck – with the siren screaming, horn blasting and the headlights blinking. It frequently appeared I was trying to steal my own car. People are kind and would try to assist. I would find some strange guy’s butt in my face when they were trying to disconnect the alarm from under the dash – while I was in the driver seat. So many times I had to call the 1-800-ComeandGetthisdamnChevy for service.

The new, in the box, Motorola Bluetooth ordered from Ebay was deader than a doornail. The seller asked if I had charged it! It was a replacement for one I had used for over 2 years. I think I knew how to rev it up.

The first home we purchased had sat empty for the better part of a year. The first night yielded a backed up sewer line which flooded two bathrooms and a clothes closet. This home had passed an inspection!

I previously held a position requiring a lot of travel. Every time I was scheduled to fly home on a Friday, the flights were delayed and I would arrive in the wee hours of Saturday

morning. It was especially exciting to learn upon arrival that my suitcase went to George Bush Intercontinental Airport and my golf clubs had safely arrived at William P Hobby Airport in Houston. I was at George Bush Intercontinental Airport. I guess it was a proud moment for airline personnel to actually know where my stuff was.

A newly purchased stainless steel carafe dribbles coffee and leaves a perfect brown circle on the surface of every counter it is placed upon. This item was well shopped, highly recommended and cost a fair amount of money. By the way, it does not keep the coffee hot. It looks good when it is clean and empty.

I bought a new blow dryer for my hair. The diffuser was missing in the box. I have curly hair. No diffuser means I would look like Don King for the rest of my days.

Did you ever get home from Walmart and discover you were missing some of your purchases but had a few bags of items which were not yours? Oh, yeah, I really needed the wax ring for the toilet and the size 38D purple bra! Where did my M&M’s end up? Triple check the bag carousel.

My brother tells me we have an invisible tattoo on our foreheads that says, “sucker”. It is visible only to the cashier, with a long line of customers. When it is your turn, they have to go on break. It was visible yesterday at the AT&T store in Paris, Texas. I went in for a new IPhone. They didn’t have any, none, nada! I will have to live with the 3GS till the IPhone 6 comes out so I can buy an IPhone 4. They also told me I couldn’t add a (903) area code to my Houston account. I would have to open a separate account for the (903) area code phone. Really?

The veterinarian receptionist just called to cancel the dog’s appointment. I asked if the appointment could be rescheduled for next week. She told me “no”. The vet died last night.













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